February 14, 1985, time for my regular check up and only one month until my due date…exciting time, our first baby! Kay, the baby is not in the correct position, we need to do an Ultrasound.. it appears the baby has Hydrocephalus, "what is that"…water on the brain, you will have an emergency C-Section tomorrow. Mike and I are numb….doctors are in and out of the room.. tears, shock, questions…"what did I do wrong, why is this happening, I did everything the doctor's told me to do"! It is midnight, all is quiet, Mike says "God must really think a lot of us to be giving us this child"! Click..the light bulb goes off in my head…yes this child is a Special Gift.
February 15…its a Boy, I get a quick glimpse of Brantley, then the Nurses whisk him off to ICU and reassure me that Mike will be with him. Hours later, I am out of recovery and I see him...he has so many tubes and wires attached to his body…I am so scared. He does not have Spina Bifida, but he must have a Shunt or he will not make it…off to surgery he goes. Its five days later, all has gone well, its time to go home… we are sorry, but Brantley will not be ready to go home for a few weeks. I walk out of the hospital empty handed-no baby…I cry for hours! Looking back, it was a blessing that he did not come home for 14 days, it allowed us to rest and prepare for his homecoming.
Family and Friends….what can you do to help? Offer comfort and compassion, don't share stories of other sick children, don't offer medical advise…the family needs PRAYERS, positive energy, laughter and the doctors are the experts.
It is stressful to hear phones ringing while taking care of a sick Child! Designate ONE Person to check in with the family daily and that person can keep everyone else updated. The Parents will call you when they can, don't take it personally if don't hear from them for a while, their first priority is their family.
Offer to transport the Parents to or from the hospital or appointments.
ALWAYS call before you visit, you have no idea what the family may have experienced that day.
Having a sick Child is costly, have a group of people donate money and put it on a Visa card.
Set a time for the Parents to go out to Dinner alone or with the Siblings. Bring a gift certificate for a restaurant or the hospital cafeteria, they may hesitate or feel obligated if you offer cash.
Create a sign up sheet for Food/Cleaning/Laundry and don't forget to check for allergies in the family.
If there are Siblings, go to THEIR house and keep the Children. The Siblings have had their world turned upside down and keeping things as normal as possible will ease their stress.
Plan a TREAT DAY for each Sibling, it will give them one-on-one time and it may open the door for the Child to express their feelings about what is going on with the sick Child and the Parents.
Boss/Co-Workers-give a day of your sick/vacation time, a wonderful gift that will help relieve stress.
Sharing another Funny Story about Brantley:
Brantley could not stand to have dirt or a spot on his clothes…it could be a spot as little as a pin point….he was coming out of his clothes! I had a brilliant idea and was tired of washing clothes all the time....take all the knobs off his dresser drawers, teach him that I could wash the spot and it would come off! Its 1 PM, Brantley's favorite time of the day…mailman has come and Brantley loves to get the mail! I'm cleaning inside the house-not paying attention, Landscapers are working in the yard.....I stop in my tracks.....roars of laughter are coming from outside..Brantley has gone to the mailbox with his shoes and socks on, but NO CLOTHES!
Brantley fills our house with laughter on a daily basis!
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